updated 06/18/2014 AT 1:00 PM ET
•originally published 06/18/2014 AT 4:05 PM ET
Courtney Robertson’s new tell-all, most obviously titled I Didn’t Come Here to Make Friends, is a lot like what you might imagine a fantasy suite on The Bachelor to be: chock-full of sex and, well, kinda dirty.
Arguably the most vilified Bachelor contestant in franchise history, Robertson defends herself and her failed relationship with Ben Flajnik in the book, and provides enough juicy behind-the-scenes details from her experience on the show to satisfy even devout fans in Bachelor Nation. And anyone curious about what happened after the cameras stopped rolling.
It’s risqué, there’s more than a little TMI, and you’ll never look at Adrian Grenier the same way.
Flajnik’s take on the book? “It’s sad. A new low, even for Courtney,” he tells PEOPLE exclusively. “I don’t see why she would choose to have people look at her the way she has portrayed herself. I am in a really great place in life and don’t have any interest in reliving the nightmare.”
We gamely took on the task of narrowing down the best bits of this shameless page-turner to five of our favorites
1. Ben digs Justin Bieber
Robertson writes about the doubts she had about Flajnik while filming her “contemplative” shots for the finale, shortly before he proposed. “He seemed like a real man to me (though oddly he did like Justin Bieber’s music more than a twenty-nine-year-old man should) and we had good sex – so far.” Robertson details said intimacy in the book, including their infamous romp in the ocean (yep, they did it there – barely – she says).
As previously reported, Robertson had an on-and-off courtship with future Dallas star Jesse Metcalfe, but she also writes that she went on a date with Reese Witherspoon’s future husband, Jim Toth, was pursued by Gerard Butler, and was long-involved with Entourage’s Adrian Grenier. “As charming as Adrian was, I didn’t feel a spark with him As expected, because I wasn’t interested, Adrian pursued me on and off for the next six years!” (Plenty more NSFW details about the actor in the book).
3. The Bachelor has a resident psychologist, tests for STDs, and has some cute production lingo
A “10-2” means a contestant “needs to go number two,” Robertson writes. And to keep the finale results under wraps, everyone called Ben “William” in public, and both Robertson and eventual runner-up Lindzi Cox went by “Kate Hilton.” Robertson and Flajnik even had fake names and email accounts to converse before the finale aired. Robertson also details the grueling process of getting cast on the show.