updated 07/01/2014 AT 2:00 PM ET
•originally published 07/01/2014 AT 7:00 PM ET
Nicole Scherzinger looked practically purr-fect onstage with the Pussycat Dolls while in her 20s.
“I had such a great life on the outside, the Dolls were on top of the world, but I was miserable on the inside,” she reveals in the August issue of Cosmopolitan magazine in the U.K. “I m never letting that happen again.”
Scherzinger, 36, went public with her bulimia struggle in 2012 and admits talking about her long-secret eating disorder is still difficult.
“It is such a horrible, paralyzing disease and it was such a dark time for me,” she says. “I didn’t think anyone knew in my group or in my family because I hid it that well, I was so ashamed. I knew it wasn’t normal or healthy because I was hurting myself through this cycle of disordered eating. It was my drug, my addiction. It’s an endless vicious cycle.”