updated 09/24/2009 AT 10:00 AM ET
•originally published 09/24/2009 AT 11:15 AM ET
Onetime reality-show star Victoria Gotti is finally admitting that her father, the former head of the Gambino crime family, was behind some of the most notorious murders in recent New York history.
“I loved the man … but I loathed the life, his lifestyle,” Gotti, 46, tells the CBS newsmagazine 48 Hours Mystery in an episode to be aired Saturday. “How can anybody worship that life? How could anybody think there was any glory in that life? I would lie awake nights and cry. ‘Is my dad gonna come home? Is he gonna go to jail again? … Is he going to get hurt? Is he gonna get killed?’ ”