03/23/2011 AT 10:00 AM ET
This is a double header – Simon and I were out of the country with the chums last week celebrating his birthday, and it’s time to catch up with The Real Housewives of Miami. So where are we now?
How long have Alexia and Herman been married that she has never worked on a dead pig before? Having always seen butchers in Europe and N.Y.C. with animal carcasses hanging in the shop, having grown up attending pig roasts with my parents and their friends, I was surprised by Alexia’s reaction both at the slaughterhouse and in the kitchen. It’s not only a Cuban thing; they roast whole pigs in Texas, Kansas and the Caribbean, too, though more often on a spit than in a smoker. It just never occurred to me to be squeamish about that; if one chooses to eat meat, it’s better to be grateful to that animal and recognize that it died for your benefit, than try to pretend that it was never alive and came in plastic wrap from the supermarket, and squirt hand sanitizer everywhere as though that would help block out the memory. It’s why in our house, we call Bolognese “dead cow sauce,” so the kids know exactly what they are eating. Okay, speech over.
Phillippe and Marysol were adorable, and I appreciated their giggly nervousness. Loved Elsa, as usual, from her pretense at never having seen the ring before, to correcting her daughter and knowing exactly how many carats each stone was. They ended the scene but I bet Elsa went on to describe the cut, the clarity and the vintage. Tee hee.
Watching the dinner, again I was surprised that guests reacted with shock to the pig. Personally, I’d prefer dealing with an actual pig to piggish behavior, which is certainly what we saw from Lea. She was trying too hard to be funny, and instead wound up offending everyone – it seems like that’s a pattern when she mocks whatever makes her uncomfortable, whether it’s trying on clothes or a friend’s marriage she’s not sure about.
Finally, we spend some time with Cristy, and I think if someone has to be awarded the “pig of the week” award, it would be her. I liked her support of a local designer, though not sure why Alexia came out of the dressing room looking elegant and Cristy came out looking like a kid going clubbing, but never mind that. I could not believe that Cristy stuck to her argument that she did Lea a favor by stopping by her gala. If you want to show support to a friend’s charity, and everyone else is paying for their tickets, the correct way to show that support is to pay for your tickets. No one writes checks anymore, so she didn’t need to worry about Lea’s bra – you scribble down a credit card number on the forms on every table, or grab anyone with a clipboard and give it to them. Easy, done, and over. Yes, it’s true that sometimes people are invited to charity dinners as guests, but this clearly wasn’t one of those occasions. Pay up, and don’t grouse about it.
There were no pigs in sight when Lea sat down with Adriana – while I don’t pretend to understand what’s going on in Adriana’s head, or her hope that her fiancé should take over part of her son’s school fees, I did feel for her in that moment, and appreciated Lea’s desire to help her friend.
Moving onto the big day! In Aspen, the bride prepared, and for just a quick moment I thought of Elsa when Marysol said, “I like to be impulsive.” Can’t you just imagine Mama saying that too?
Alexia flirted with a hot young actor, Larsa obsessed over her cooking party … (So was this originally supposed to be a cooking show? Every week there’s a dinner party or a cooking lesson.) She lost major points with me when she said “funner” – AGAIN. It’s not a word!
Did anyone else wonder how they managed to capture the car accident aftermath on camera? My guess is that Alexia was already close to the fashion show, and when the wreck happened the crew hightailed it to the scene. Anyway, points for capturing life as-it-happens.
It didn’t sound to me like Adriana really loves her fiancé, and certainly not her ex. The whole financial discussion with Lea seemed cold and transactional – she has every right and a duty to be concerned about her future, along with her son’s, but I couldn’t really relate to the way she went about it. Though it was very funny to see her decide to invest in pole dancing lessons as a way of making peace.
Speaking of peace, there was none of it to be seen at the cooking party – I couldn’t believe Cristy. First, she backpedaled and said she had every intention of paying – fine, but that doesn’t go along at all with her assertion that she was doing Lea a favor by attending. Clearly her back was up against the wall, so she decided to attack Lea for being too attached to her charity. Total nonsense. Larsa should have called that chef over to throw the squabblers out into the parking lot.
In the end, I felt badly for Lea at the motivational speaking event. Note to reality show participants – if you’re going to make a speech, the cameras are going to focus on those who aren’t paying attention. It has happened on New York, Orange County, New Jersey – and those are just the ones I can remember. She probably is a good speaker, but … ouch.
Marysol and Phillippe’s wedding was beautiful, seemingly private (albeit broadcast on TV a year later) and sweet – an ideal reality TV wedding, I think. I wish them happiness, and hope they work out that wine cellar situation – maybe she could paint it? What an adorable couple.
Until next week … and we’re counting down until the NYC premiere April 7! For more about Real Housewives, visit Bravotv.com. For more on Alex, including her book, Little Kids, Big City, visit her Web site or follow her on Twitter