updated 01/18/2013 AT 9:00 AM ET
•originally published 01/18/2013 AT 12:10 PM ET
A diary is one place to come clean – but for Jodi Arias, it was apparently just another place to lie about her alleged involvement in her Mormon lover’s murder.
“Last night was so hard,” Arias, 32, allegedly wrote, according to court motions that surfaced during the third week of her Arizona murder trial. “Knowing he wasn’t calling me anytime soon was just killing me. I broke down as I climbed into bed and just cried and cried and cried until I fell asleep.”
Arias allegedly wrote the entry on June 11, 2008, only two days after Travis Alexander’s body was found in his home.
Forensic experts have testified his attacker stabbed him roughly 30 times, slashed his throat from ear to ear and shot him with a .25-caliber gun, the same caliber as a handgun reported stolen from Arias’s grandparents’ home.