updated 07/30/2013 AT 11:00 AM ET
•originally published 07/30/2013 AT 11:40 AM ET
Former Bachelor contestant Desiree Hartsock is calling the shots and handing out the roses as the current star of The Bachelorette. The bridal stylist will blog all season long on PEOPLE.com about her dates, the guys and the difficult decisions she must make. You can also follow Desiree on Twitter.
So let’s start with what I’m sure you are all wondering about … My relationship with Brooks was always secure and confident when we were together, but I never knew what was going through his mind when we were apart. That should have been a red flag, but sometimes love is blind.
I never wanted to believe that maybe this experience was more than just hard for Brooks, and that he potentially wasn’t on the same page as me regarding our relationship. From our dates, notes passed and words spoken, he led me to believe that he was on board and wanted this to work out. I had such strong feelings for him that I couldn’t imagine not reaching the full potential of a proposal.
I was surprised watching the episode and seeing the conversations Brooks had with his mother and sister and with Chris Harrison, expressing his doubts and feelings. He never expressed those concerns with me until it was too late. I was completely blindsided and heartbroken by his exit.