updated 10/30/2013 AT 8:00 PM ET
•originally published 10/30/2013 AT 12:35 PM ET
On the other 364 days of the year, we embrace the fact that it’s our cats’ world, and we just live in it (re: supply the snacks and/or companionship when desired).
But Halloween is the one opportunity we get to turn the tables – and you can only imagine how well that goes over if you have ever tried to convince your cat not to sit on your table. While we’re happily slipping into our onesies and Kardashian-inspired couture, our cats are far less enthusiastic about their costumes. Don’t believe us? Check out the scratches on our arms! Which is why we wanted to purr-fect the art of dressing your feline for fright night:
Not pictured: mood lighting, soothing music, unyielding hope.
Step 1: Let your cat know who’s boss
Your cat hasn’t taken you seriously since she caught you crying alone to your Adele CD. Lure your kitty away from that coffee table, sofa or, in Emma’s case, throne.
Step 2: Bring out the big guns
Will work, play and compromise immeasurable amounts of dignity for food.
Step 3: Introduce your cat to the costume
It helps to sprinkle said food within the costume.
Step 4: Go for it
Once you sense your cat’s feeling of familiarity with the costume, spring into action and fasten the garment around your kitty. There is no time to think. You have an estimated seven seconds – go, go, go!
Step 5: Fail
Aw, man. You didn’t think you could actually outsmart your cat, did you?
Step 6: It’s snack time. Again
See step two.
Step 7: Make your move
Remember: Like a lady wants to be wined and dined, your cat is most likely to respond to food and carefully executed back rubs. Now’s your chance.
Step 8: Darn it!
Solid effort, remarkable determination and impeccable dedication, human. This is what progress looks like.
Step 9: One more time with feeling
There’s not much you can do to regain your cat’s trust at this point.
Pro tip: Make sure your roommate’s door is closed
Step 10: Watch helplessly as your cat flees into a nearby closet
Step 11: Beg for mercy
Dearly beloved cat, you were right all along. I’m just a useless human, and you’re an incredibly gifted, flawless feline. I can only ask for your forgiveness. Take all the time you need. I respect your decision either way.