06/10/2014 AT 5:00 PM ET
In May, a cat was busted for delivering a bag of marijuana to its owner’s doorstep.
This is where those kinds of kitties do hard time.
Behold, Orange Is the New Black for the feline set – and man, is it ruff behind bars (watch the parody video, Tabby Is the New Cat, above). Dogs aren’t even dumb enough to come during visiting hours.
Meet Piper Catman. She’s in the clink (a.k.a. living life as an indoor cat) for money smuggling and is serving a sentence of nine lives (Re: she’s never getting meow-t). Just like the ladies in Litchfield on the Netflix hit – which returned for a second season earlier this month – these kitty convicts are whack-a-doodles (but with whiskers). We’re looking at you, Red the ginger kitty, who wields a cleaver like no cat we’ve ever seen.
Truth is though, this big (cat) house definitely has perks. Lasers as an activity, spooning with other inmates and warm moments in the sun – if jail were this cushy for us, we’d take two consecutive life terms.