updated 08/25/2015 AT 8:16 PM ET
•originally published 02/25/2014 AT 8:20 AM ET
Of all the awards shows this season, the Oscars provide the best opportunity for the winners to whip out a classic trophy kiss. The Emmy is too spiky and the Golden Globe makes you look megalomaniacal, but the Oscar statue is just right – a friendly little man made entirely out of gold. Who wouldn’t want to kiss him?
But not all Oscar kisses are created equally.
Just as kissing a human requires a hundred instant mental calculations – Cheek or lips? How much tongue? – so does kissing an Oscar. Below, a look at some of the ways Oscar winners have chosen to smooch their statue at their moment of triumph.
Our story begins with Audrey Hepburn, one of the first Hollywood stars to kiss her award in public. (Many previous winners undoubtedly enjoyed one or two moments of passion with the trophy in the privacy of their own homes.) Here, Hepburn shows off the easiest form of the trophy kiss, holding the trophy face-out while she plants a demure smooch on the back of its head.
Years later, Angelina Jolie would show off the modern version of the pose.
A more popular variant is the cheek-kiss, used when you’d rather treat your Oscar like a close friend than a baby.
It doesn’t always work, though, as the angle makes for some amusing miscues.
It’s a rare star who can actually manage to kiss their Oscar plumb on the lips, but Penélope Cruz managed it perfectly.
Her husband, Javier Bardem, though, performed a slightly more risqué act upon his own trophy. We’ve saved it for last, in case there were any children reading.
Javier! You’re bad!
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