What If Each Awards Ceremony Was a High School Clique?

Martin Scorsese attends the 2011 Directors Guild of America Honors at the Directors Guild of America Theater on Oct. 13, 2011

Jason Kempin/Getty

updated 08/25/2015 AT 8:16 PM ET

originally published 01/24/2014 AT 1:00 PM ET

Hollywood is already a lot like high school, and never more so than during awards season. Competition fills the air, everyone obsesses over dresses they will wear exactly once and, as Tina Fey and Amy Poehler demonstrated at the Golden Globes, who sits with who is a matter of extreme importance.

But on a greater level, each awards show is also its own friend group, with all the little in-jokes, rituals and histories that implies. Which ceremony is which clique? On the eve of the Director’s Guild of America Awards, see it all explained below.

The Oscars Are the ‘Good’ Popular Kids

Everyone knows them, everyone wants to be them, and yet, everyone doesn’t hate them. Mostly it’s the glow of superiority cowing everyone into submission, but it also doesn’t hurt to be on good terms with someone you know is going to be successful.

The SAGs Are the ‘Pretty’ Popular Kids

These are the good-looking people congratulating each other for being good-looking people, with slightly less self-awareness than everybody else.

The Grammys Are the Music Geeks

Do you know enough to pick a favorite improvised jazz solo, or best New Age album? These guys do.

The DGAs Are the A.V. Club

Shyer and more awkward than the rest, but everyone suspects they’ll be working for the audiovisual kids in a few years.

The Golden Globes Are the Class Clowns

Supposedly a big deal, but they don’t take themselves too seriously. What they lack in polish they make up for in good times – and lots of laughs.

The Independent Spirits Are the Artsy-Hipster Kids

They’ve thrown off the traditional high-school hierarchy and replaced it with a different hierarchy. They celebrate the groundbreaking artists and innovators of their corner so intently that it’s easy to forget most people have no idea who they’re talking about.

The Tonys Are the Theater Kids

Is it ever a bad time to break out into a Rent singalong? According to these guys: No, it is not.

The Emmys Are the ‘Normal’ Kids

They don’t take as many risks, but generally feel confident in their choices. They aren’t backstabbers: When they meet someone they like, they want to hang out with them until graduation (or cancelation).

The VMAs Are the Party Peeps

Why do they do the things they do? Well, they make no secret of their fondness for wild revelry and bacchanalia. It’s all for attention mostly, but don’t worry – they’re generally harmless.

The BAFTAs Are the Foreign Exchange Students

Don’t get us wrong – you’ve certainly heard of where they’re from, and if pressed, you could name vague details. But most of the time you’re flying blind. “Your national dish is sauerkraut? The Harry Potter series won best film 12 years in a row? Sure.”

Can’t get enough of Red Carpet Season? Be one of the first to get the news from all the awards shows! Sign up below for our daily newsletter – so you’ll be the first to know all about the winners, the best speeches and the most fabulous fashion.

<iframe src=”http://subscription-assets.people.com/prod/assets/themes/magazines/SUBS/templates/velocity/site/pe-pushwatchem0713/full-ofie.html” height=”50” width=”400” frameborder=”0” scrolling=”no”“>

This object displays a Brightcove video

Like us on Facebook for more stories like this!